Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
