You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everclear isn't food dammit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
