she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
