Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
