I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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