but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
