I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
