Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize