just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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