Yo dont text me then not text me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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