how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
