can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
