I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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