guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
