So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
