I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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