So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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