very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
