dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
