Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
