You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
