the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
