It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
