I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
