my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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