Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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