I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
