what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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