I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
