clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
