Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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