i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
