You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I touched a dick in church today
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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