well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
