i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
