Someone shit on the floor
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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