I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
