let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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