I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
