You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
