Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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