Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
