Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
