Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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