girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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