That's intense
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
