You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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