capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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