Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
