So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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