I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
