Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
