I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
