Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
