i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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