she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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