....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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