the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
