the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
