Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
