we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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