I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
