Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
