after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
