Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
