I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
