I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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