Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
