dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
