Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
