Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
