Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
