Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
