Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
